We are tackling the age-old question of “Does he like me?” or “Is she into me?” From time immemorial people all over the world have strutted their way up and down this ally. We are given a lot of kinds of advice on this. There are various bullet points in the rule book of how to deal with a particular situation in your relationship. These rules are somehow given priority to over basic logic and hence we find the same old problems, the same situations around us that people find themselves stuck in and still choose to do nothing about it. The apprehension of what something means or what it doesn’t, due to lack of communication, is what kills the relationship even before the actual problems do.
As much as this would be against our fairytale ideas of love, but this is a truthful deduction of some common things which you know but refuse to accept.
A no-nonsense guide to steer through your relationship (or at least to help you walk out of it)
Accept the problem
Let’s get straight into it. Whenever something goes wrong, in any kind of a relationship, you almost always know it. You do! Until of course, you decide to convince yourself into believing what you want to. You wire your brain to find a reason to explain a certain situation that doesn’t sit well with you even when it defies all logic. What do you do in such a situation? Let’s say you’re dealing with a communication issue; ‘maybe he didn’t see me sitting at the next table that day’ or ‘he must have been tired to not reply back’ or ‘Maybe that was my fault after all’. On one hand, this person can be considered to be a very understanding partner but there is a high probability that this person is just delusional. It is very important to accept the shortcomings in the scenario and do what is best for both people individually rather than trying to drag the equation and pretending it’s all merry.
The “I” in the relationship:
How do you know if someone wants to stay? The answer to that question is very simple, you don’t. We are often so consumed by the apprehensions of what the other perceives about us. And you can corroborate this for yourself. Have you ever asked yourself questions like, ”What does that show about what he feels about me ?” , “Should I do this? What will she think?”, “Am I doing enough to make him feel special?” and the list goes on. It is always about the other person; and no, this is not because one person happens to be a selfless and giving candidate, it is just the vicious cycle of the expectations to begin. It is natural to feel disheartened if someone doesn’t seem to contribute as much as you do being in love but it is also important to understand that you’re brain is in a very vulnerable place when in such a position. It is important to see how this other person makes you feel not only in the relationship but about other aspects of your life in general. Your ambitions and motivations in life cannot take a back seat because of one seemingly important person that you have developed a dependency on.
Being in love isn’t enough
There are several factors that play an important role in deciding if a particular relationship is healthy or if it is on the verge of becoming parasitic. Sometimes there can be substantial issues, in other instances, the particular time or phase might just not be appropriate to go ahead with a particular relationship. At other times it can be one individual stuck in a parasitic situation and be manipulated to think that they want to stay. If you don’t like where you are, move, you’re not a tree. It is not sufficient to be incandescently in love unless some vital things work out which makes it important to back your decisions with logic rather than letting your emotions flow blindly.
In any case, it is important for an individual to be happy irrespective of whether they are in a relationship or not. Working on oneself is the first step to discovering yourself before one can consider the option of discovering their lives with someone new. For some may come and some may go but you’ll go on forever.